Yet my heart is not in these questions. I ask them only because I feel as though I ought to ask them, not actually because I am unsure of the answers. When I wonder if I ought to be worried, if I ought to be afraid, I find myself simply smiling. I know better. I have been here before. No, not on a flight to El Salvador. But here in this space, with a comfort in my heart that I cannot claim on my own. I have smiled in this same way before. I am familiar with this comfort in my heart, the comfort that surfaces in the times when I think I ought to feel most unsure and most afraid. I know this feeling well, and from it I have learned that God is with me. I have not boarded this plane on my own. I do not face adventures and challenges such as these on my own. Instead I hold close the love and support of each one of my family and dear friends. They are near, though I am far. With their love, I am not afraid. And God goes with me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The beginning 1.12.11 (afternoon)
I take with me, 45 minutes of sleep. 40 pounds of luggage. 21 years of life. 15 years of school. 2 and 1/2 years of college. I board the plane to El Salvador for 4 months. I should be sleeping. But I am not. When there is a fleet of clouds to wonder at out my airplane window, how could I? And below those clouds, the ocean, because I am going far away. There is plenty to worry about in my mind. Will my spanish be good enough? Will I miss home? Will I make friends that I can trust throughout this experience? Will I feel lost?
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Friend,
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how wonderfully terrifying this time is for you in my year-old Ghana version :) I keep recalling where my feet were this time last year, and to think, yours are now taking you in marvelous places in El Salvador, where your head and your heart clearly belong.
I love this post. It made me think a lot about the first time I recognized I was closest to God, when I should have been most in need, i.e. the farthest away and most alone. The most blessed I have ever felt was on a different continent, meandering through the sticky streets of Accra, and, Annemarie, I cannot wait for your heart to overflow, again and again, with much of the same. I know it will.
So sorry we didn't get to connect before you left, I'll make sure we see each other once you return, regardless of my situation. In the meantime, dive in, headfirst, but you don't need me to tell you that. I'm just so excited for you, and slightly jealous, can you tell? Sending you an enormous hug and some female empowerment!
Corey
confidence=go with God.
ReplyDeletealso, this entry sounds like peace.
also, this sounds a lot like what i feel right now....